Loving Africa, Loving My Babies

Here is my post from one year ago today.
One year ago, I was the mother of two children. I saw another child growing in my heart. That's what knew then. What know now is that a great love for all the children of Africa was growing. This post is followed by the comment I posted to my own blog six months later.


Thursday, May 8, 2008
Growing in my heart
Maybe I am giving the issue about grief and loss more airtime than would be expected during the exciting time of adoption. But I am repeatedly shocked by the issues that brings children to be "relinquished" by their birth families.

I won't pretend that I know anything about why a mother here in the US makes the decision to create an adoption plan for her child. I am sure there are many, many very good reasons. I completely respect these women and the immense and unselfish love they demonstrate in creating an adoption plan. But I hope lack of health care isn't one of those reasons.

This morning I read an article about children's health in India. There was a statistic that shocked me regarding Ethiopia - Only 16% of children in Ethiopia under age five get health care when they need it. The article goes on to say that a child's chance of reaching its fifth birthday should not depend on the country of community where it is born. The full article can be found at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7389283.stm

I can't imagine, even for a moment, that I would have to look at my child and know she is very sick, and malnourished and that some basic food and medication would fix the problem but I can't afford or I don't even have access to it. My decision, as a mother, becomes - keep my child and watch her become more ill, or take her to an orphanage and "relinquish" her so that she can get her basic needs met. I can not get my head around this.

I have to get myself in the right place for this. I have to move beyond the grief and loss issue. I have to find a way to make this make some kind of sense. My child will need me to support him during the times he grieves and I have to make sense of this for both of us. His birth mother, who I now see as my sister, she wants that too. My sister is being brave and strong and doing what she thinks is best for her family. I think she would want me to do the same.

If I may comment on my "sister" for a moment. The brave woman endured childbirth without pain medication, she probably didn't even have access to a hospital. Her body may have endured the mutilation that can be accompanied by a child birth not assisted by a medical professional. She may be enduring long term physical problems from the laborious birth. Her under-nourished body doing everything possible to support the birth of this new soul, left her weak and ill. She may have even sacrificed her life for the life of this child. - I imagine her. She doesn't want pity just a family to care for and love this child. Provide a safe home with love and opportunity.

I don't take the responsibility of raising a member of our community lightly. Whether the child grew in my belly or in my heart, it's the most important contribution I can offer to the world, - a responsible, compassionate, contributing member of society. And teaching those traits to my children is the most important contribution I can give to them. And what's important to me is that I do it in a way that honors my parents, and in this case the mother of the child who is growing in my heart.


***** 6 months later
November 24, 2008 5:23 PM

In reviewing Tamene's paperwork it appears that the goverment papers were signed for Tamene to be brought into care at the orphanage. And on May 9th Tamene came into care at the orphanage.

My grieving coinsided with that of his first mother. Indeed Tamene was growing in my heart