The worries of a first time mother (adoptive)

While we were working toward our Ethiopian adoption, I posted the following on my blog.

http://beforeiknewyou.blogspot.com/2008/08/iorganize-ieducate.html
http://beforeiknewyou.blogspot.com/2008/07/living-out-loud.html
http://beforeiknewyou.blogspot.com/2008/06/yes-there-are-some-instructions.html


We worked with an agency that made sure we understood worst case scenarios in adopting. Most of the families were adopting infants, so some of the information in the above posts reflect that, Worst-case-scenario, first-time-adopting, not-so-sure-of-myself thinking. In looking over these posts now, I am glad I took the time to learn these things and communicate them. I am glad I have them to reflect on now.

In my post "Living Out Loud" I stated the following:
Trent and I have decided we are willing to live out loud. We understand that people may approach us and ask questions. We have plans about how to deal with that and how to answer those questions. This is another reason I have this blog, to educate our friends and family about this change. Having this child requires us to be a family living out loud. So much for us all to learn and wonder about.

When I wrote that I could only imagine what life might be like. Today, I know it, I live it and experience it. We love it! We love our family and the questions and the conversations that are sparked. We have learned about so many other's adoption journeys. We have been blessed over and over in these adoption journeys. Yes, I encounter moments of grey areas where I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. But all in all, I wait for a feeling. A feeling that tells me I can educate, or I can just say thank you, or I should just walk away. I have to trust my spirit to lead me. Sometimes I do want to react. I want people to stop asking me if "the brown baby" is mine; but all in all, most people aren't looking to offend or hurt, so I try to take it in stride.

I continue to work on these issues inside myself. I want to be sure that my children see a response that shows that I love them as well as have respect for the person asking or commenting. I just love my babies, I want them to feel loved and accepted. All of them, to be loved and accepted. I want them to know they are protected and loved, in my words and actions.

Yes, I still have some of those same thoughts as the early days of the Ethiopian adoption, wondernig what tomorrow will bring. But, overall life is moving along. Some days we encouter a little more difference than other days. I look for those people who love and accept us for who we are. I lean on those who appreciate our uniqueness and what we have to offer.

I cannot say often enough how humbled I am by the support, love and prayers from our friends and family who continue on this journey with us.